Talking About The Conversation of S.E.X.

by thepolyprincess

The current agreement between Mr. P and I is, we both have access each other’s messages, conversations and interactions with other people. We do this because we believe in transparency, honesty, and because Mr. P SUCKS at relaying ANY information. With that comes problems… a slight issue for me lately is 80% of his conversations are about sex. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex and
I eventually get to that topic as well. I just feel like it’s taking away from the real issue, which is developing relationships with other people, getting to know them, and learning about who they are as people. Taking the conversation in a very sexual direction right away diminishes the relationship or the ability to really know that person. It takes away the natural development of things and puts a pressure of future sex into the mix. I don’t go into new relationships or personal interacations with the assumption that there will be sex at some point. I usually start all of my interactions with a single focus and that is getting to people and becoming friends …UNLESS my only goal from the moment I’ve met them is a simple sexual encounter. I know it sounds really prudish and that’s definitely not me, but that’s just how I’ve been feeling.

As I say this, I’m wondering if it’s simply the crazy emotions that are the downside of having a vagina. It just seems like it is a cheap way to establish a connection. I would prefer at least at this stage to develop relationships and connections with people that are bit more based on our common interactions and our common likes and dislikes. Sex is something that will become part of a relationship but I feel like initiating sexual conversation or sexual interaction straight away takes away the natural progression of things.

I am not sure if I’m placing my ideology on him right now or if my concerns about this are valid because I have no true standard of comparison. So I’m just kind of floating here and wondering how do you approach this concern? How do you approach initiating new relationships and interactions in the polyamorous community? How do you make sex an initial concern in the beginning and expect to have a natural connection or natural progression to sex? Maybe I’m thinking outside of his comfort zone and I don’t know if that’s necessarily fair. When I talk to Mr. P about his process, his answer is simply “I like sex and I like talking about it. I want to make sure we are sexually compatible”, which to me just seems like a copout and a cheap substitute for substance.

I know that’s not fair assumption but poly is about the connections you make with people, not just the sexual chemistry.

Poly Princess